kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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