i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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