somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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