I'm going to jail i love you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
