I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
