Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
