you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
