DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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