Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
they're like a gay fantastic four
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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