Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
