I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
