That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
