I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
