Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
