he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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