My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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