non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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