I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
