I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
