Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
