i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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