i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
