When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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