Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
