i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
