So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
