well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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