at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
