i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
