I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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