I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so that wasnt chicken after all
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize