You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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