I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize