why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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