What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize