Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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