Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
