i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
