WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
