I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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