my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize