I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
handjob tips. give me some.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize