If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
