Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I met the friendliest cop last night
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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