this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
