First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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