That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
