You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize