He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I understand Curling. That high.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
