Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
