did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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