I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
