Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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