i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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