Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
