I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
