Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
