his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
