she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
