My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
