Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
