I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he thought i was a dude.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
