it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize