Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
